Feels like an age since I last picked up the camera. It is amazing how little I shoot at the moment. I hope to pick the machine up over the coming weeks, but I do not obsess about it at - time may bring me and the camera back together. I have been focusing on other things of late. Spent a lot of time in the saddle last week and rode around 200K in a week with 100K coming on Saturday alone. Cycling is as good for me as it is bad for me in that it helps stave off the bi-polar but hills really kill me and can bring me down. Climbing with my rugby players frame is never easy. I cant seem to shake off depression anymore despite trying everything. I get very introspective - yet I know I am doing it though I cant help it as it is a big release valve for me. I still have massive regrets over my past and whilst there is nothing I can do to change it, a chance viewing of some photos on facebook really hit me for six. Paradoxically, they could tell me how far I have come but the fact that they tripped me up is not good but I try my best and will continue in this battle....
Depression is such a lonely illness, it really is.
5 comments:
Feel for you mate. It seems to me though that you understand your predicament which is half the battle in my eyes, you see the lows coming and are able to do something about it before they get too bad. Exercise is a great healer! Nice SP too Pete, great light.
Cheers Steve. I have an uneasy relationship with depression in that as you know it has floored me and is very real, but I never wanted to and it came from nowhere although my specialist, a guy called Mike made me write down my history and he pinpointed depressive events from the age of about 5 iirc. Funny thing really. Other times I can feel totally great, but it always comes back and reminds me it is there.
Pete - that's a very good picture of you there. Sorry to hear about the looming black dog & hope you get it on its leash again imminently.
Hey, as you know - I know what you mean. If it makes you feel any better I'm in that post-episode elation finally, although I'm sure the 'just about on the mend but not enjoying things yet' stage lasted bloody ages this time.
It seems, like me, you're well aware that you just have to ride it out and wait for the going to get easier and more enjoyable, that things will all fall into place, slip into gear (check these cycling analogies!) - take it easy, make the lists of stuff you're going to do when you're doing stuff again, you know the score, I'm sure!
Keep meaning to pop back into the shop and say hello, will do soon.
Lil Petela
@ Pete - thanks mate. Do drop by and say hello.
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